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If These Walls Could Talk


JOY: George, I love you.
JANET: We BOTH love you.
JOY: We love seeing you relax in your fabulous Lake Como house...
JANET: Yup, making us a cup of tea...
JOY: We’re lovin’ the open shelving in that kitchen of yours...
JANET: Yup. Lovin’ the storage jars filled with all of that pasta you’re going to cook up for us.
JOY: We’re loving the marble counter tops-
JANET: Yes! They’re massive. Much like your fore arms.
JOY: But George, the microwave. The white microwave.
JANET: What were you THINKIN?...
JOY: Was there a sale at Italy’s version of WalMart? Do they not sell stainless steel appliances? Something a little more chic?
JANET: This is Italy we’re talking about. Everything in Italy reeks of chic-ness.
JOY: Except that microwave.
JANET: Come to think about it-
JOY: ...the counter is crammed with shitty appliances?
JANET: You took the words right out of my mouth.
JOY: I guess this is the quintessential man’s way of decorating a kitchen...
JANET: Yeah, just ram it all on there.
JOY: With no consideration for how it looks...
JANET: Toaster.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Blender.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Kettle.
JOY: Check.
JANET: Pannini maker.
JOY: Check. Even though you’re only going to use it once and then realize how ridiculous it is.
JANET: So true.
JOY: The man is a bazillionaire. Why on earth is he even leaving such a monstrosity out on the counter whose only purpose is making a glorified grilled cheese?
JANET: And why then does he also need a microwave?
JOY: For Pizza Pockets.
JANET: This man needs help.
JOY: George, call us.


  1. So true, I mean really, a white microwave? What is George thinking? He could really use your help.

  2. Yikes-fugly! Many people have money, but not style. That's why they have stylists dress them every time they walk out the door. But really, this is just wrong.

  3. Maybe he'll win one of the Domino books......

  4. You two crack me up.

    When you're done with George, send him my way please.


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